Just gone from our sight........

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" "Gone where?" Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are Other eyes watching her coming, and Other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!

And that is dying.

~ Henry Van Dyke

Memorial Jazz Celebration of Wes' Life

Saturday, September 20th

1:00 - 4:00 p.m.

Stockton Elks Lodge

8900 Thonton Road

Stockton, CA 95209

Please contact Terri at terri01-at-sonic-dot-net for more information or to have items added to the program.

Song with no music, as performed by it's writer, David M. Bailey

This was read by Mary Anne at Wes' Jazz Celebration:

The Journey Home

It happened so gradually
his pulling away
Looking toward somewhere
only he could see.
His body was with us, still fighting
So it wasn't easy to notice
his soul traveling onward.

He finally lay down
in the comfy bed that was prepared just for him
In his favorite room
with the sounds and smells of life around him.

Family gathered
and each one by one
sat down beside Daddy
Held his hand
cool rag on his face and neck
rubbed his arm
felt his beard, and the soft chemo-hair
and told him how much we loved him.

We tried to be peaceful,
but in the next room
was the soft murmur of voices
of a family that can't help enjoying each other's presence.
And from the backyard
the sound of the wind, and a doggie yipping at rustling trees.

We knew he was ready
but maybe reluctant to leave with us there
so we decided to go, and were hugging in the dining room
when his soul finally took flight.

I wake up this morning
grief and loss clutching at my heart
so I try to imagine
what Daddy's version of heaven is

Soft morning voices, windchimes on the terrace
the smell of coffee and bacon in the air
walking down the hallway
to the bright sunny kitchen
Where Grampa White sits reading the LA Times
outloud
to anyone who will listen
He walks in the door
and Gramma asks "Did you sleep well"?
Sit down Wes, I''ll fix you some eggs.

One year ago today

One year ago
We could never have known
What was in store
For not only Daddy
but for all of us who love him
How our family would have been changed
by not only fear
but by love.

Love from our friends
Our neighbors
Our co-workers
our extended family
but mostly each other.

For each day
each hour
each moment
we've been grateful

None of us know
how many more
we will have
But we do know
that we will never again
take them for granted
or forget
to enjoy each and every one.

A special "THANK YOU" to all of you out there that continue to return to
this blog for updates, your cards and letters to Daddy, and all of your prayers and concern.

Daddy is hanging strong, he's had a pretty rough go of it since being in the hospital. It seems as though you come out of those places with more problems than you go in with. Not only did he get the flu, his antibiotics to keep the pneumonia away caused a secondary gastro-intestinal problem (I won't go into the gory details) but needless to say we needed to get control of that quickly. He got pretty weak there for a while, but now that's he's on the right meds to control the issue he's getting stronger and stronger.

Mary Anne caught him mowing the lawn this morning...........

Quote of The Day

"This place SUCKS!"
~as told by Wes to Mary Anne when she asked him how he was doing on his third day at the hospital.

So, as you can see Daddy is A LOT more alert, and today he came home. He couldn't sleep very well in the hospital (who could?) so he sacked out before dinner for a few hours. Mary Anne promised him one of her "special omelettes" when he woke up, he still has sores on his tounge and lip and he needs soft food for now.

Now that he's home, I'm sure he'll get better even faster.

Rough Weekend, but getting better

Hi everyone:
Well, for months now Daddy has been enjoying "somewhat" strong health. The chemo really kicks his butt, but each time his blood tests remain strong and he's ready for another round. We're hoping the next MRI shows an even greater diminishment of his cancerous cells.

Unfortunately, Daddy experienced on Sat what all brain tumor patients fear: seizures. It was quite a shock, he went from shopping at Home Depot for fencing supplies with Joe to slumped in his chair while playing solitare in 24 hours. He was hospitalized over the weekend, and really spent most of Sat, Sun, and Monday sleeping, which is good. A CT scan on his head indicated no brain bleeds, which is AWESOME.

He aspirated some fluids during one of the seizures, so the fluid in his lungs has a chance of developing into pnuemonia. The doctors saw a spot on his lung in the x-ray and he was coughing, so they started treating right away. He had another x-ray yesterday, and so far we haven't found out if it's better or worse. His regular oncologist is going to go by and see him today, we'll get the straight scoop from him. It's so hard, because nobody there knows "how he was" and they assume they are dealing with an invalid. Therefore, not expecting much out of him. When they found out (after all of us speaking up) that he's a dog-walking, weed-wacking, Home Depot shopper they changed their tune.

This morning he was very much more aware of things. He called Mom to ask her where his watch was, he thought someone might have taken it. Then he called an hour later to see when Mary Anne was going to be there to take him home. Then, when I was talking on the phone with him I heard him asking for something to eat. The nurse said "well, I see you're done with your tray here" (meaning lunch) and "you'll get more at 6:00". Well, no doubt compared to how Mary Anne feeds him he's feeling starved to death! I think she's taking him some pudding cups this afternoon.

I'll keep you all posted of his progress, maybe he'll be able to come home tomorrow.